The Devil's Dance
by LegameInfinito
Summary: The Cullens are craftier than Edward thinks, and poor Jasper's going to have to take it from three sides. Will he fix her, or fail them all? He's hoping. LEMONS LATER! B/J
1. Chapter 1

**So, hi. I'm FableFanasticate, presenting my first Twilight story! Hopefully it will become what I'm hoping for. Anyway, the pairing is Jasper and Bella, my fave. Also, if you were confused by the summary, don't worry, I'll explain later. Well, hopefully you'll get it through the story, but if you don't, well, you know. I'll help you out.**

**So, after that, I'd like to leave you off here! Thanks for clicking! :D**

_Prologue:_

The Cullen mansion had always been a grand thing, at least, that's how I remembered it. It was big. Beautiful. Stunning in its simple glory. I remembered it being a looming shadow of light in the distance, not even remotely resembling the creatures it housed, but showing what I knew they all held within them—a person, a human quality. The mansion testified that though they were vampires, they didn't need to be surrounded by black and dreary. That like everyone else in the world, they were stereotyped and misunderstood.

Now it stood remote in a barren land. It was a large structure, and the surrounding yard had always been huge to accommodate the vampires within, but now it seemed dwarfed by the space around it—the empty space. It was alone and tall, falling into slow disrepair, and yet still beautiful in its considerably abandoned state.

As I crawled to the edge of my seat and hopped out of my truck, a small tremor ran up my spine, my eyes welling again at the thought of going in there, the thought of being surrounded by the walls where it had all begun and had all ended. My pitiful amount of resolve began to drain away, and I felt my hand twitch with the fleeting thought to leave, but instead I forced my legs forward and up the steps to the front door.

For the first time since the idea to come here, I actually thought that they may have locked the doors before leaving this house behind. I'd had the old idea of the grand Cullen mansion, always open and welcome to my visits, stuck in my mind. And now, seeing it in this state, I was sure that was no longer the case.

I raised a hand to the cool metal of the door handle, and yet I couldn't bring myself to turn it. A part of me wanted it to be locked, wanted to be spared the sight of the place once so full of life and love—concepts almost foreign to me now. Another wanted it to be open, wanted to see the damage I caused, wanted to remember, wanted to _feel_ again.

I closed my eyes and counted, turning the knob at long last. It clicked and opened. I had to gather my wits and wait for what meager strength I had to return before I could push it forward, before I could open my eyes. And when I did, I was less than satisfied.

The house had obviously gone unused. The furniture was dusty, the curtains were drawn. But there was no trace of what had happened the last time I'd been there, no trace that I'd ever been there at all. My eyes swept over the white floors, the wooden furniture, the large cushioned couch, and the piano. It brought no emotions forward within me, did nothing, and that was disconcerting. I'd been feeling detached, empty, ever since I'd been cut off from Jacob, and something as big as this reunion couldn't even bring something out of me. Was I truly losing myself?

I walked forward, my steps muffled by the carpeting, and ran one finger along the wooden surface of a nearby table. It was all still beautiful and still here, but it didn't help me. I couldn't _remember_ them, couldn't remember anything.

I stopped near the staircase and let out an angry growl—nothing more than a sigh in comparison with a vampire's, but it expressed my dissatisfaction sufficiently enough. I'd expected this house to do something, to hold some great epiphany about who I was and what I was meant to do. I needed it to do that for me, but it fell short and I was left as empty as it was.

My nose began to sting and my eyes welled with disappointment. I slammed a fist into the nearby wall, next to a hole that I hadn't noticed until that moment. It was about five times the size of my own little fist, and as I looked down the hall I saw more of them. I turned and gazed at the living room, from which an odd cracking sound was coming, and saw that more of these curious holes littered the walls, as well as dents of other shapes and sizes. I stood still, feeling that I should know why they were here and what caused them, but came up blank.

After a moment, I realized that strange sound was still there, still growing stronger, and I flipped around, my heart thundering with hope that maybe I'd see someone here. See one of them.

But there was nothing, and everything seemed unchanged. Not a single thing had moved, been touched, and I continued to wonder what that distant, but growing sound was. I turned again, looking for something, when movement caught my eye.

It was simply a shadow, swaying back and forth, and I wondered what was casting it. I followed the movement upward as it scaled the wall to the ceiling, and felt my heart stop in my chest. I didn't really have time to realize quite what was happening before a sickening crack came from above me, and the ornate chandelier grew closer.

The first thing I could recall was pressure. It was pressing down on me, just light at first, but suddenly the amount of force behind it was crushing. After the pressure was the pain. The splintering pain all over my body, thousands of stabs as each shard cut into me. Then, there was red, burning red. It began to pour out all over me, my body lathering in a growing pool of blood. Each drop lost was painful, and each vein in my body began to burn as they rapidly emptied.

I tried to move, but only produced a small twitch in my muscles. And pain. There was so much pain, with every thought and move and breath it _hurt_.

So I stayed still, lying there alone, everything burning and throbbing. It wasn't long before my vision began to blur, bright dots of purple and yellow dancing in my eyes. The pain, however, didn't fade with my sight or strength. Everything was still a horrible, fiery torture as I let my head fall to the floor in defeat. This was over.

There was a strange sense of peace at that thought. With the ending of my life—which was undoubtedly happening, considering that no one knew I was here, and barely anyone knew where here was in the first place—came the ending of that emptiness and pain within it. At long last, I felt like I was getting the sleep I had been longing for—deep and restful, where I wasn't haunted with nightmares and screaming.

But then I thought of all I would miss—my parents, my small amount of friends, my whole future. It was fading along with me and I didn't want that. The greatest fear was that soon, everyone would forget me. I wouldn't be there to impact the world in any way, to do what I wanted with my life. Before, the road to my death was a long one, possibly endless, but now I'd taken a detour and soon enough I would just be gone.

I didn't want to die.

I struggled against the grogginess, tried to move my heavy limbs and open my eyes. But I was too weak at this point, and all alone. I continued to try and break free, but it was no use. I was alone and hadn't the strength to do more than think.

I just remembered that it was cold. I remembered reading about the cold vice of death in novels, but the way that I was suddenly enveloped in ice seemed strange to me, too clichéd. But I didn't get too far past that thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Second chapter up! :D**

**So I want to thank everybody who alerted/favorited this story! There were quite a lot of you and I got a mega confidence boost. Especially because I'm still really nervous about this chapter. I tried to get you-know-who right, but it was hard not to kill his character with all my fan-girlishness. But it's out, and I hope you like it!**

**Oh, yes, I'd also like to thank Bripearl for your review! I loved it! :D**

**So, I wanna make sure that everyone knows that I do not own Twilight or its characters. And no time during the writing of this story will I obtain the rights to them…or ever. :'(**

**But yes, I hope that disclaimer is sufficient in covering all the chapters, because I'd forget to put one up every time.**

**So, off you go! :)**

I woke up.

It was a slow process, coming into awareness, but eventually I could vaguely remember pain, sleep, and finally resignation. But waking up was something I hadn't expected.

I opened my eyes gradually, bit by bit, slowly taking in the stark white of the room, which greatly contrasted with the darkness I could remember welcoming. Briefly, I wondered how long ago that was, but more pressing questions began to come to the surface. As I looked around the small room, I immediately recognized the heart monitor and IV drip. A hospital. But how did I get there? Who could have found me?

I could remember feeling alone, but the series of events leading to this were still fuzzy. I knew I was at the Cullen house, too. I tried to think back, to the crushing pain, and immediately it came back to me. The chandelier.

I tried to lift my fist, wondering just how something so tiny and weak could cause the destruction of that huge, metal chandelier, but tendrils of pain shot up my arm and I hissed, immediately ceasing my efforts to move.

I could tell from experience that my arm was broken, so I took stock of my body, twitching my muscles experimentally, and almost everything ached and burned. I could only rotate my shoulders and crane my neck, which was definitely disconcerting. Though in my life I'd most likely spent more time in the hospital than out, I'd never liked the feeling of being immobile. It made me only weaker, more useless, and I hated that worthless feeling.

I took survey of my surroundings again, only to see someone's head bowed over a clipboard. This person was in scrubs, and I made a small noise in my throat to alert him to my awakening.

He looked up, startled, but smiled as his eyes met mine. "Bella Swan! You're awake! I'm Adam, the intern working this wing. Would you like me to go get your boyfriend for you? He's been waiting to see you. Been up all night."

The word boyfriend didn't register for a moment, and I had to go back and place it into the context again. Boyfriend? _My_ boyfriend? I couldn't think of any boy that could possibly be misconstrued as my boyfriend other than Jacob, but he was ignoring me. Billy insisted that he was sick, but I had an uneasy feeling it had to do with that Sam guy he had pointed out to me.

Either way, Jacob wouldn't have known where the Cullen mansion was, let alone that I was there. So who could this mysterious rescuer be?

"Um…" I cleared my throat, scratchy with disuse. "Who?"

He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Wouldn't give anyone a name. But he looked kind of familiar to the staff, so we let him stick around. Plus, he seemed really panicked when he brought you in."

"Oh," I replied weakly, my mind still churning as I wondered who could have saved me. I kept coming up with either my father or Jacob, but Jacob hated my guts and my father was sheriff, so there was no _possible_ way he could be thought of as my boyfriend. The very thought made me slightly sick.

Adam set the clipboard down at the foot of the bed, and looked slightly worried as he studied my face. "I could tell him you don't want to see him, if you'd rather."

I paused for a moment. Would it be easier just to refuse and recover on my own, or to confront this person? Immediately I knew I should at least thank the person to save my life. I allowed the intern a weak smile. "No, you can send him in, I guess."

"Okie-dokie then, I'll just go and get him." The boy walked out the door, but only took a few steps before I could hear his voice, colored with surprise, "Oh! It's you! Well, Bella's awake now, if you'd like…" There was a strange shuffling noise and a barely audible thanks, which sounded vaguely familiar, before the door swung open. I listened for footsteps, but heard none as the figure behind the curtain drew closer. I felt my heart begin to beat erratically as my brain tried to make connections that I really didn't want to delve into. Sadly, when the curtain was pulled back, I had no choice.

"Bella," his eyes were a dark amber, emotions I couldn't quite read swirling just behind them, and his posture was stiff. His grip was tight on the curtain, but his rigid pose relaxed after a moment. I still tried to process just what was in front of me, tried to process why, and contemplated on whether or not I was dreaming.

"J…Jasper?" his name rolled off my tongue strangely, as if I'd never heard of it before. I still tried to overcome the fact that he was here, in front of me, in the flesh.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice controlled, but his eyes flicking this way and that over my body. I nodded.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in turn. I had so many questions, too many to count, and I figured that the sooner I started asking the sooner I would get answers.

His pause was nearly audible, and I could tell that he was thinking of a sufficient response. I waited for him to speak, still trying to calm my own hectic thoughts. His appearance brought so much into question that I couldn't keep up with all the 'what ifs' bouncing around my head.

When he responded, his voice wavered slightly, but I couldn't quite tell why. "I was passing through…and smelled you?"

As he finished, I realized that he was lying by the upward inflection in his voice. And here I'd always considered vampires the perfect smooth-talkers, but in his defense, he seemed quite frazzled. That's when I realized that the smelling me part must have been true. I'd been bleeding too heavily for him not to have, and that must have tested his control. I studied his face, trying to push out the memories of what it had been on my birthday.

I set my jaw and raised an eyebrow, and he only offered me a sigh in response. I felt discombobulated suddenly, as if the earth had spun off its axis too fast for me to realize quite what had happened, and I knew I screwed up terribly. Guilt crept up my insides, and I felt frustrated with the way things had played out. There was something else deep inside me, something akin to devastation, but I tried my best to smother it.

And just as quickly as it had happened, it was gone, and I was only left with a vague sense of shock as I wondered momentarily just where that sudden mood-swing had come from. But as I studied Jasper's face and saw those very same emotions etched there, I remembered that he was an empath. I bit my lip, trying to shake away any remnants of that strange bombardment.

"Sorry," he apologized, and I wasn't quite sure if it was for the lie or for the emotions. In response, I only repeated my earlier question.

He paused again, before setting wary eyes on me. "I was…watching you."

I tested the words on my lips, "You were watching me." Pausing for a moment, I finally gave a small nod, making sure that was indeed what I'd heard.

I took a breath. "Why?"

He had a small, slightly pained grimace on his face, and I got the feeling he didn't really want to answer me, what with the lie. I still waited patiently, trying to place my thoughts in order while simultaneously resisting the urge to start firing off questions at random. I took a calming breath, but started coughing as my chest began to ache.

His eyes looked worried as I finished my coughing fit. "Are you okay?" he asked again.

Instead of responding, I allowed the tears to clear from my eyes and stared at Jasper. I recognized that he must have thought it odd that I was merely looking at him, but I didn't care because I _wanted_ to look at him. I studied his face, the angular features and pale skin, the golden eyes I'd been yearning for ever since that day in the woods. I'd been aching for his brother and his family, and here he was, in front of me. It was a taste of the family I loved and idolized, and I couldn't bear the extreme tease he was turning out to be. While I wanted to be grateful for what I was getting now, I still so badly wanted to see the rest of them, to see _him_. At the same time, I was worried that if I spoke, if I answered his question, he would simply vanish.

I stared at him until my trance was broken by the patter of tears onto my neck. I shook myself out of it and tried to remember just what his original question was.

"Yes," my voice was barely a meager squeak, but I was sure that he would hear me and understand. He nodded, before bringing a chair to my bedside faster than I was able to process. He leaned back in it, his eyes meeting mine hesitantly, and I only continued to stare at him. I just began to actually realize what he had said, and that he was actually here, and questions began popping into my mind faster than I thought possible. Was he here alone? Was everyone here? Did they know he was watching me? _Why_ was he watching me? My thoughts swirled inside my head, and it grew impossible to focus on any single one.

We both stayed silent and the clock ticked on for whole minutes, which seemed to stretch like hours. I simply stared at him, remembering his face as it had been before and as it was now. I could easily tell the differences between the calm mask he was currently wearing and the unleashed animal he'd been on my birthday. But there was something else about him that was bothering me, something that had changed and left me wondering. I analyzed the glimpses of him I could remember from all the times I'd seen the Cullens, and compared them to now, but I couldn't place the difference that was too small to find and yet great enough to detect.

As I dug through my memories, the inevitable happened, and my mind was engulfed with the sensation of hollow pain as that last goodbye, that last glimpse of the family I'd strived for, came to the forefront of my chaotic thoughts. The emotions and the words flooded back to me, and as I sat there, looking at Jasper's shocked face, I wondered why he was here, why he decided to come back now. I'd deduced that I meant little enough to them for them to abandon me so easily, without a single goodbye or word of warning, yet he was here. Why now?

"Bella…what…?" his words were choked, as if he were holding back tears, and his ability came back to me. I took a small breath and tried to think of something else, of anything else, just to quell the growing rampage inside me. I opened my eyes after a moment, to see his gaze soften. "Is that what you felt…" his voice grew soft, "when we left?"

The memory of his face, his voice, and his words when we were in Phoenix came back to me. He seemed genuinely passionate and sincere as he argued that I was worth his family's efforts and risks. The knowledge that he had been lying through his teeth left me angry and frozen. I knew I should feel shocked, or at least angrier than I actually was, but I felt blank. I looked down.

I saw him shift just slightly from the corner of my eye, and I wondered just what was causing the strange look on his face. Figuring that it was my emotions, I analyzed them, trying to press them down. But I realized, with a strange sense of loneliness, that there were none. The grief and nostalgia, as well as the imprint of anger and betrayal I'd originally felt had faded, leaving me a hollow shell. I literally felt_ nothing_ at this moment, and the realization being put into rational thought was startlingly disconcerting.

"It's like you're gone," he stated, rather bluntly, his voice colored with surprise. I looked up at him, and he studied my eyes, like he was looking for something. As his eyes widened, I wondered just what he saw.

"Why were you watching me?" the question flowed through numb lips.

He looked to be contemplating his answer, but he turned his head the opposite direction a few moments before I could hear footsteps just outside it. The knob turned and Dr. Gerandy stepped through the door. He halted as his eyes fell upon Jasper.

"A Cullen?" I couldn't quite read his face, but Jasper didn't look too pleased.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay! So I'm putting out another chapter for you guys, I hope you like it, and I would like to thank everyone who has read and reviewed and favorite or alerted (etc…) this story! It makes me so happy that there are people who like what I write! :D**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter! I hope you enjoy it, and maybe you can drop me a review? I'd love to hear what you think so far, especially because I'm really worried I'm not getting Bella's character right. Or Jasper's, for that matter. D: *crosses fingers***

The conversation between Jasper and Dr. Gerandy seemed to pass by me in a blur. Jasper managed to rattle off a convincing lie and the doctor came to check on me. I tried to sort out my feelings about Jasper's sudden appearance without the pressure to speak to him weighing on me, but I found myself listening into their words as the doctor felt for my pulse and gazed over his glasses at his watch.

"So are any of the other Cullens here with you?" My ears perked and I couldn't decide which response I'd rather hear.

"No sir, I'm alone…completely alone." My heart dropped, but a weight seemed to be lifted off my shoulders all at once. I looked at Jasper's face and found something there that didn't seem to belong, and began to wonder about his words and their meaning.

Before I could get too far with that train of thought, Dr. Gerandy began to list my injuries. "The chandelier dislocated your left hip, cracked your left humerus in half, shattered three of your ribs…" he trailed off, but continued reading the clipboard he'd taken from the end of my bed.

It took him a whole minute to finish. He looked up at me, his eyes full of awe. I squeezed my own shut for a second, before opening them again. "A moment later and you wouldn't have made it…you sure are lucky, Bella."

I offered him a smile, but it was probably more in the grimace family. I sighed as he left the room, both out of relief and disappointment. While I didn't want to hear the extensive list of injuries, I also didn't want him to leave me alone with Jasper again. I didn't know what to say to him, and I knew he wasn't done talking to me, which meant he'd impede on my attempts to rationalize my situation with questions I had a feeling I didn't want to answer.

Dr. Gerandy shut the door and I looked from it to Jasper, who was still standing after getting up to shake hands with the doctor. He was looking down at me, his face stoic and his eyes unreadable. He didn't move and didn't appear to be breathing, and with a little effort I could just pretend he was a statue and not something straight from my nightmares.

After a few whole minutes passed, he shifted toward me but did not take his previous seat. I looked up to see that his eyes were darker than before, and he wasn't looking at me, but rather at the place where Dr. Gerandy had pricked me with a needle. I began to wonder just how much blood needed to be exposed for a vampire to sense it. After all, a needle left a nearly microscopic opening, and yet he was staring at me like I was covered in gashes.

And yet, I wondered if dried blood had the same effect on vampires as fresh did. I decided to wonder about this later, as my questions began to float to the surface and battle for attention. But my mind grew silent as Jasper spoke.

"You don't mind if I open a window, do you? The hospital is getting to me…" He inched toward the large windows on the right side of the room, and I merely shook my head. The windows were suddenly open, and Jasper took a seat next to me, breathing in. "Much better."

I only nodded absently, remembering now that I had asked him something before we were interrupted by the doctor. I tried to recall what it was, but found it slightly difficult as I mulled over my reaction to Jasper's response to Dr. Gerandy's question. I wasn't the empath here, not by a long shot, but I had detected something off in Jasper's voice when asked about his appearance and whether or not his family was here. His voice had cracked, and I knew that vampire's voices just didn't do that, not without reason.

Maybe I was reading too much into it. After all, he was here alone, and he probably just had some things to grab from the house before they moved on again or something, and he no doubt missed Alice. That was all he was doing.

But that reminded me. He hadn't said he was there to grab a few spare things. He told me he was watching me. But what for?

"Why were you watching me?"

The look on his face was one of distaste, like someone who was eating a bit of rotten food, and I wasn't quite sure whether I could trust him to give me a straight, truthful answer—or even an answer at all.

"I have to go, Bella. Meet me at the Cullen house when you get out of the hospital. I promise to explain everything then." He walked over to the still-open window and turned to look at me as my heart gave a painful clench. I had the feeling that if he walked out now, he wouldn't be coming back. This was my chance to see a piece of the family I missed so dearly, and I couldn't let him walk out that window.

He gripped the curtain tightly, flexing his jaw, and his eyes darkened in a matter of seconds. I felt tears build in my eyes, my nose tingling again with the urge to cry. He couldn't leave me now, not so soon after reappearing.

"I promise I'll be there, as soon as you get out. Trust me?"

It was more of a question, and I felt like maybe I could say that I didn't trust him and force him to stay. But I couldn't help myself from nodding and choking back a sob. The Cullen house. He would be there, and I'd see him again. Maybe they would all be there.

My heart gave a flutter of fear, of nervousness, and of hope. While I was afraid of their reaction to me, and of seeing them all again, I also thought that maybe the light at the end of my tunnel was visible, and that maybe I could get them back. This was my chance.

Jasper jumped over the sill and onto an invisible ledge just outside, shutting the window and offering me a small smile through the glass. I wanted to return the favor, but I couldn't quite manage it and looked away. I couldn't take the sight of him leaving.

I looked back not even a second later, hoping to see a glimmer of that smile and keep it to tide me over until I could see him again. It would be there to remind me that he was real, and he was really here.

But he was already gone.

The next week passed slowly, and I was sure I was actually in hell. The knowledge that a Cullen was so close and I was powerless to go see him was like torture, and the pain of my injuries was nearly unbearable. My ribs hurt and throbbed whenever I went to move, and my arm was simply immobile, like dead weight hanging off my shoulder. My hip was painful, but not unbearable, and my wrist was useless, but that would heal quickly, the doctor said.

After the first week passed, I was told I'd have to spend another there, just to ensure that the ribs healed properly. Supposedly they had been in tiny fragments, and Dr. Gerandy was surprised they'd even healed at all with the minor surgery he'd done, but I had the strangest feeling that Charlie had something to do with it.

And Charlie didn't make my stay any easier. He worried after me whenever he was here, and sometimes would even have a police officer standing just outside my door. I wasn't quite sure why, but I guessed that Dr. Gerandy—or that intern—had let it slip that my 'boyfriend' had been here, and that it was a Cullen. If one thing was sure, I knew my father hated them now, and was not about to let them see me again. The knowledge that maybe I would be able to see him if Charlie wasn't fending him off was heartbreaking. Although I didn't know Jasper, he was my thread to the Cullen family, and now I needed him more than air.

The second week passed faster. I was more mobile and the police watch had finally ended. While my regained privacy was an extremely good thing, it also reassured me that Jasper hadn't made an attempt to come back, and may not have ever even been here at all. If he had tried, word would have gotten to Charlie and the baby-sitting would have been a twenty-four hour three man job.

Not only that, but I knew that it was possible to avoid the door altogether. He just didn't bother. Was that a good thing? Had the rest returned? I didn't have much faith in that, but a small part of me hoped so.

Finally, though, I was wrapped up in a wheelchair, the door coming closer as Charlie's cruiser waited just outside.

"I hope you're more careful from now on, Bells." Charlie's voice was gruff, but I knew he was sincere.

"I will be," I answered slowly. I was still trying to process that I was getting out of the hospital. It was a Saturday, and I hoped Charlie would simply drop me off. I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw his fishing gear in the back seat.

"Bella, are you sure you don't mind me going with Billy?" Charlie asked as we waited for a stoplight to change. I shook my head.

"You deserve it after all the stress you've been under. I'll just…lay around," I said, not fully concentrating on the conversation. I stroked the scar on my wrist, anxiously waiting to get home and drive over to the Cullen mansion. I wanted to find out all of the answers so badly, and I also just wanted to see him again. I wanted to see the angular features, the pale skin, the golden eyes—all things that I saw myself having once.

A sweep of envy came over me, but I tried to smother it away. It wasn't his fault, it was my own. I expected more than I deserved, and the pain was my own. I couldn't grieve for what I never had a chance of having.

Charlie dropped me off with a quick goodbye, and I hobbled to the door slowly, going inside to take a proper shower for once. It wasn't exactly easy, but I managed to get through it and change without further injury to myself. Before I knew it, I was walking to the truck with my keys in hand.

It took a while to start up, and turning to back out of the driveway was far from easy or painless, but I was driving safely down the road within minutes, and my thoughts swirled in my mind all the way there. Before I was completely aware of it, the house was looming up ahead, just as intimidating as ever. And the knowledge that one of them was in there relieved me while also producing more fear.

I tried to calm myself down on the way up the long drive, reassuring myself that I would at long last get the answers I'd been looking for. It had been so confusing to wake up and see Jasper there, and his vague answer had been itching at me all this time. Why had he been watching me? Did the others know? Did the others care?

Not only that, but I was also embarrassed to be around him. If he'd been watching me for very long, then I knew he must have been disgusted with how much I fell apart without them here. What would he think of me, other than a useless, whiny human? I wasn't sure if I'd be able to look him in the eyes again, let alone keep up with a conversation.

Again, I had trouble focusing on any single thought with how many crowded my mind. Unable to do anything else, I walked up the steps and let myself into the house.

There was a strange smell in the air, like spackle, and it took me a while to notice the absence of the dents and holes I'd seen before. Bleach also weighed heavy in the air, and there was a small tarp on the ground just beneath where the chandelier had been. I shivered, carefully staying away from that spot as I slowly made my way to the couch.

"Jasper? Where are you?" I called out weakly, stopping to hear for something, no matter how idiotic that may have been. Vampires were nearly soundless creatures, and there was no way I'd be able to hear him.

There was no answer to my call, and I began to panic inside. Was he here? Had he left? Had he ever even been here? Like many times before, I questioned my sanity, and wondered if the Cullens had even existed. I calmed just slightly as I stroked the slightly raised skin on my wrist.

"Jasper? Hello?" I called again, hoping that he was just busy with something and was on his way. But again I was left alone and without an answer. I wobbled for a moment, before falling to my knees with the pain of being abandoned again. A second time, I'd felt that hope, that they were back and I would get a second chance. Now he was gone again, and it was only confirmed that I was simply insignificant to them. The knowledge was nearly crippling, and I tried to resist the tears pooling in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I was hunting, but…Bella?"

I was dizzy with relief, shock, and humiliation as I realized that Jasper was behind me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! The third chapter is now up! Sorry it took a little longer than anticipated—I picked at it daily, but the middle part was hard for me to flesh out. I'm not completely satisfied, but I feel that if I do any more work on it I'll drive myself nuts!**

**Anyway, I would like to thank you all for your reviews, they make me so happy! And a big hug to all you alerts/favorites out there, too! I love them all! :D**

**So, I hope you like the chapter. But I was thinking about my pacing of the story, and I think, what with all of my little plotty-things (that is a technical term, yes.) that Bella and Jasper's relationship will probably be slow to develop. In fact, the idea of putting them at odds with each other in the beginning is bouncing around my head. I suppose we'll see!**

**Oh, and I'd also like to apologize for any spelling errors. I know it was hard to write because I was shivering every time I get on the computer. This room is the coldest in the house! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!**

**Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Anyway, bon appétit!**

It took me a moment to realize that Jasper was here, had been here just like he said he would be, and that I was overreacting. Once I came to terms, I felt the blush beginning to spread as I imagined just how pathetic I must have looked. But a strange humor filled me with the feeling of wanting to laugh as I realized that it didn't matter. He'd been watching me anyway, so he no doubt knew that was going to happen.

I bit my lip and calmed myself as I struggled to my feet. Jasper was at my side before I realized that he moved, his fingers splayed in the air about a foot above me. He looked about to help me, but must have decided against it, and he straightened as I dusted off my knees with my good hand. As I stood up fully, I realized that he was only about a foot away, and immediately the memory of when he'd last been that close to me came to mind—I could remember seeing the determination in his eyes, the animalistic need to quench a thirst I'd instilled in him. I felt scared for a moment, remembering his face as it had been.

I tried to move away from him and wobbled as I bumped the couch. Again, his hand came out as if to help me, and again he thought better of it and simply went to the chair across the room from the couch I intended to sit at, putting a good distance between us. This made me wonder if my blood was hurting him. I tried to analyze the color of his eyes as I settled into the couch, and they were a light citrine shade, which made me feel better about his control, but not about his comfort.

"Are you okay? Around me, I mean?" I asked quietly, knowing full well that he would hear me. "I could go, if you really don't…"

"I'm fine, Bella. I promise I won't hurt you. You really don't smell nearly as appetizing as you usually do." I wasn't sure how to take his words, if that was a compliment or a reassurance or if he was nicely telling me that I stunk. I'd just taken a shower, so I hoped that wasn't it.

He elaborated. "They had to, you know, give you blood from a donor. So now there are many different scents about you, and the mix is rather…unappealing."

I licked my lips, still not quite sure what he meant, but taking it as a reassurance. "I guess that's good, then."

"Bella, I'm sorry." His words came so out of the blue that I wasn't quite sure what he was talking about. I tried to think back to what he would be sorry for, but nothing came to mind. Our previous conversation probably required me to apologize, for…stinking.

"What's there to be sorry for?" I asked him as lightly as I could.

He took a shallow breath, looking away from me and to the floor. He stilled for a moment, and I waited for him to start speaking. "I…in the hospital, when you felt that devastation…what did that come from?"

I shifted uncomfortably, nervously gripping onto my bad arm and wincing as it stung. Biting my lip, I debated telling him and reopening the wound. At first, I was relatively sure I was going to just change the subject and avoid a breakdown now, but as I remembered that I was here because he invited me over and offered answers to my questions, the least I could do was answer his in return. I sighed, trying to think just how to word it so as to answer him with as little detail as possible.

"I felt that for you guys…after you left." I tried to make my tone clear that I didn't really want to talk about this, not right now, and he seemed to realize that. He nodded, and I wondered if he wanted to hear more or if he dismissed me as pathetic and wanted to move on from my whining. I found that I definitely didn't want either, and simply left my questions alone in favor of the one that had been killing me all this time.

"Jasper, you said you were watching me? Why?"

He didn't answer as the nearby grandfather clock ticked on and on. I waited as minutes melted into each other, and I tried to remain patient. It proved hard, and the relief I felt as he began to speak was immense.

"We…the family, excluding Edward…" he continued talking, and I had to struggle to keep up with his words after he'd thrown me such a large hurdle, "…we set up a…a schedule. Now, Bella, I know we promised to stay away, and I'm sorry we didn't, but…well, we were worried about you, and your safety." I waited for him to go on, but he stopped there.

"Schedules?" I urged. While I wasn't sure if I quite wanted to know what was going on with the Cullen family—if they were happy without me—I still needed to understand why Jasper was watching me.

Again, he had that bitter look on his face, and I wondered just what could be so bad. "I know it's weird, and I know we went against your wishes, but the whole family worried about you. So we went behind Edward's back and set up times—about a month or so, for each person to monitor you. We wouldn't stalk you or anything, just…just make sure you're okay."

Before I could fully process all of this, he gave me a wry smile and locked gazes with me; I found myself enraptured in his topaz eyes, so like his brother's. A dull ache started in my chest, but I pushed it away before it could grow. "It figures that my first day here you go and nearly kill yourself."

The eye-lock broke as his smile faded and he looked away. He reminded me of a child waiting to be chastised as he stared at the floor. I, too, looked away from him in favor of the floorboards. I watched the dull grey light bounce around as tree limbs moved in the wind.

He was watching me. I'd known that. I'd wanted to understand why that was. But now, now I had more questions to be answered than actual answers. I tried to think of something to say, something that could just fill the empty space long enough for me to _think_. Finally, something came to mind, and without even thinking about the consequences, I spoke. "Yeah, near-death has a fascination with me."

He visibly winced, and I internally chastised myself for being so careless. I should have known that if Jasper was in any way like his brother then he would dwell on what had happened. I could only figure that was what he was thinking about now.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I should go, this was a bad idea," I hated to say his idea was bad, and I knew it was partially my fault for wanting all the answers, but it was for the best if I left. I was making him uncomfortable with my blood and bringing up sore subjects. Not only this, but I needed time to think what he'd said to me through. Maybe if I got my head straight and came back, it would all be easier.

"No, Bella, please don't go. I have a lot to say." His face was pained, but his voice was pleading. I debated it for a moment, but I decided not to go to the trouble of getting up when he still needed to speak. I may not have been comfortable in this situation, but at least he could be.

"Okay, I'll stay," I reassured him, settling back into the seat.

He took another small, wary breath, and I watched as he seemed to be thinking hard about something. I wished I could see what he was thinking, so I could simply tell him whatever he wanted to hear from me and get out of this predicament. I knew that was a selfish thought, but I definitely didn't want to cry in front of him, and I was so frustrated with not understanding my current situation that I was so close to doing so.

"I'm really sorry, Bella." Again, he apologized, and I resolved myself to be more assertive in finding out what he was apologizing for.

"Why are you sorry, Jasper?" My voice broke a few times with the emotions I was trying to quell. I was just so angry. I felt like someone had fed me small pieces of a puzzle, only for me to find that none of them wanted to fit. Where was the connection? He'd said they'd gone against my wishes, that it was stupid for them to watch me. Why? Why had he said that?

Then there was the matter of him being here in the first place. It didn't add up with what had been said in the forest.

I'd taken that walk with Edward. With _my_ Edward. The one with the crooked smiles and love for music, with the warmth inside his cold body that made me feel dizzy and tingly all over. But I'd had that heart-breaking conversation with a stranger wearing a mask of Edward's face. He'd been so calm and collected about breaking all ties with me, when I'd thought I was 'his life now'. And the genuine, calculating sincerity in his eyes, his voice, and his words made me too aware that the real Edward was completely foreign to me. That I'd deluded myself with fantasies.

That was when my perfect life and future began to fall—when pieces of the puzzle began to go missing. Next came when Jake left me hanging; said stoic, vague things that were supposed to explain his sudden abandonment of me, but made no sense. My sun had burnt out and I was left alone again, in the dark as ever.

Now, after multiple reassurances that the Cullen family was basically dead to me—and that I was dead to them—Jasper comes along with too much confusing information. Maybe it was my recent near-breakdown, but I just couldn't fully understand anything at this point, and my mounting anger with my inability and weakness steadily grew.

After all, if I hadn't been so weak, none of this would have happened. Not a single terrible thing would have happened—I would be happy.

But no.

My bitter thoughts fizzled out until they were just an angry, self-loathing buzz in the back of my mind. I realized much too late that Jasper was speaking. I back-tracked, analyzing all of his words.

"This was all my fault, Bella. If you felt what you did because we left…Bella, I'm so sorry. That was me, that was what I did to you, and I realize that now. I'd been angry at myself for being weak, but I didn't realize just what kind of effect that had on you. I'm so sorry."

He wasn't making sense. It took me a few moments to go through his words again, and when I finally managed to make either end of it, it only left me more confused. I wondered then if Alice had told him that I forgave him. When I'd told her, I knew in my heart that it was true, and that she would relay my message and—hopefully—convince him of my sincerity. But had he merely chalked it up to her trying to make him feel better?

And I hated to think it, but what if Alice simply hadn't told him? Mere months ago I would have sworn from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes that she would. But now, I began to wonder just how reliable my 'best friend forever' really was. After all, she would be able to look into the future and find just the right words to say to him, surely. So as I thought about it and re-thought about it, I was beginning to lean more toward the latter—that she hadn't.

This scared me, realizing that my faith in Alice had wavered enough to instill such doubt in me. My strong, unyielding feelings had been one of the few things that kept my tenuous hold on the Cullens, and finding that my feelings for them were weaker than I thought was scary. I wanted to cry with the loss of that small connection, but thought better of it.

I continued to mull it over, trying to convince myself that I was being silly. After all, why wouldn't Alice tell Jasper I forgave him, or put her heart into it? As I thought, I couldn't see a reason not to, and I was beginning to convince myself that she tried, and merely didn't succeed.

But then a thought struck me. What if Alice had been angry with me? It made sense. She was so angry with me because I had tested her mate's control, made him nearly do something he didn't want to. I'd crossed the line, and I was positive that in vampire terms, the bond of a mate overrode that of a small interest in a human through and through. So she was so livid that she didn't even waste her breath with my stupid forgiveness. It was so obvious that she must have felt that if anything, I should be on my knees begging forgiveness from Jasper, not offering it to him!

It made so much sense, and while I agreed whole-heartedly and more so that I should be apologizing to Jasper, and not the other way around, this realization brought more doubts to the surface. This was the most logical explanation—the whole family had realized that I was more trouble than I was worth, including Alice. All this time I'd been remembering her as my friend, trying to forget that our dynamic had most likely shifted to the opposite end of the spectrum. But now it was being shoved in my face, and it made so much sense that it hurt. This small part of the puzzle came together.

Jasper felt guilty, God knows why. Alice tried to convince him not to be, but never relayed my message because that was where our friendship ended. When I impeded on the happiness of her mate, all bets were off. So she must have hated me now, which made so much sense in a question that had been nagging at me since that day in the woods. Every night I would wonder how, of all of them, Alice could leave without a goodbye.

These thoughts hurt, and were opening the wound that I had been hoping to keep to myself in this conversation. While I had come in here sure that Jasper already knew about my pain, I still hadn't wanted to let it be out in the open for him to analyze and confront me with. But I should have known that getting my answers would lead to more pain—I should have prepared.

I realized with faint dry humor that it was too late now, and looked up at him. He was watching me, and I couldn't quite read the look in his eye, which was frustrating. I was definitely not an empath by any stretch, but I'd always been relatively adept at reading people. But Jasper seemed to have the perfect poker face, and I couldn't stop myself from wondering if he was internally laughing at just how pathetic I was. The thought was unsettling, and even more so because it was not impossible. He must have hated me just as all the other Cullens did.

But if he felt the same way, then why would he be apologizing? I decided to ask him just this, after chastising him for being sorry in the first place.

"Jasper, you shouldn't be sorry for something you had no control over. I forgave you the moment it happened." I paused, but quickly rushed on before he interrupted, which he seemed to be contemplating, "And anyway, why are you apologizing? Why don't you hate me?"

He seemed stunned by my words. He verbalized just this, "Of all the things you could say, I definitely did not expect that. Hate you? Why ever would I do that?"

I tried to put my thoughts in just the correct order, but his confusion coupling with my own was making it just that much harder. It took me whole seconds to begin my explanation. "I…" and I didn't get too far.

I cleared my dry throat, hoping to buy myself time. But the only thought I could focus on with complete clarity was, _Why wouldn't you hate me?_

"I just…I tested your control. I nearly forced you to do something that you would regret just because I made a stupid mistake. I…" He interrupted me, his voice laced incredulity.

"Bella. A stupid mistake? You cut your finger. That's a completely human thing to do. I couldn't hate you for acting as you should. You should hate me." He shook his head, the decidedly more open look on his face betraying only shock.

It was clear to me that he was not about to let this go, and if there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was brooding. Even with Edward, his bouts of moodiness had left me less than satisfied with him. And I had so much more to say, so much ground to cover, that the fact that Jasper had interrupted simply to continue his self-loathing rant was slightly insulting.

I immediately masked these feelings, not wanting to offend him. "Jasper, the fact that you can say that is amazing. If you can't hate me for doing as I should, then how could I hate you for doing the same?" The question was more a rhetorical one, but I could tell by the furrow of his brow he was searching his mind for an answer. I continued before he could create one. "And so if you would please forgive me, I'll forgive you, and then we can move on."

The look on his face assured me that I was getting nowhere with that train of thought. I supposed that for whatever reason, my forgiving him was out of the question. In any case, I knew I wasn't worthy of his forgiveness anyway, after causing his family and his mate such grief. In that moment, I felt worse than the plague.

"Anyway," I continued, trying to remember where I was going before he had interrupted while simultaneously shaking off my depression. My pause grew as I remembered my next question, apprehension for what he would surely say mounting. Even so, I pressed forward, determined that I couldn't get much worse emotionally than I already was, "Doesn't the whole family hate me?" My voice was softer and not nearly as strong as I'd been hoping—in fact, it was little more than a squeak. I tried to find comfort in the fact that it was loud and clear to Jasper, so may not have sounded completely pathetic.

Again, he looked shocked, and I could barely detect a hint of irritation in his eyes. I hoped I was misreading that, because I really didn't want him angry with me. I'd caused enough trouble, and I was worried that I was more than disposable to the Cullens in light of the situation. "Bella, why in the world would you think we hate you? Everyone loved you. And they do."

Now _this_, of every backwards and upside-down thing he had tried to tell me, made no sense whatsoever. Before beginning to pick his words apart, as I tended to do, I tried to come up with a quick rebuttal. My thoughts, oddly enough, turned to Rosalie.

"Rosalie hated my guts."

He looked at me oddly, as if he wasn't expecting that response either. "Full of surprises," he commented, shaking his head, confirming what I'd been thinking. Briefly, I entertained the idea that vampires made lists of possible responses to every question they ever asked, and I just happened to pick the only one that they'd skipped. He was speaking before I could think anything else, which was probably for the better. "Save for Rosalie, then. But she didn't hate you, either—not exactly. Rosalie is probably one of the most complex vampires I've ever met—she has a lot of demons and anger. You were just…an outlet. Don't get me wrong, she had reasons for disliking you—though not completely reasonable, they weren't completely unfounded, either—but her negativity toward you had less to do with you than you may think."

It took me a moment to absorb all this, and it was actually slightly comforting to think of perfect Rosalie as emotional. She had fears and thoughts just as anyone, and while I felt horrible for _just_ realizing this, I felt better.

But the relief was brief, and I went back to contemplating how to argue the point that they must have hated me. Finding no way around it, I confessed my fears. Every word seemed to be a knife.

"I broke up your family. I mean, I know it wasn't permanent, but…I put a rift there. I made you guys have to fight against each other…that was so unforgivable…and after everything I've already done to you…" I trailed off, the first traitorous tear slipping down my cheek. I cursed it internally, hating this vulnerability I'd showed. "That's when you must have realized that it was in your best interests to drop me…just like…" I didn't dare. I didn't dare finish that thought, though it brought an equally large wave of pain as if I had.

His mouth was slightly ajar. "Bella," he began, and his tone was equal to a parent chastising a child. "Didn't you listen to a single thing I said?"

Did he know that I had actually drifted off a few times, too engulfed in my own thoughts and feelings to pay him the respect he deserved? I nodded my head cautiously.

"Then why would we watch out for your safety if we hated you?"

His question made sense, but I found that I was tired. Tired of questions. And though, alone, his question was completely logical, his implications were far from it. Now that I'd connected the dots, it was impossible for me to think any different. The Cullens simply had to hate me. That was the missing piece to this portion of the puzzle—nothing else fit.

I shook my head slowly. "No. You're wrong," was all I could muster myself to say. The wound was reopening. Too quickly.

Immediately, I felt at peace. The pain ebbed, and his eyes were softer than I'd ever seen them, comforting me. "Now Bella, why would I lie to you?"

"Because you have to hate me," I replied, still shaking my head. He wasn't making sense! "If you don't…" I didn't want to put into words my true thoughts. Because if he didn't hate me—if the rest of the family didn't hate me—then I would have hope. And I was trying to convince myself that I learned my lesson before.

Hope kills.

**You know, I hate ending it there, but the chapter was growing rapidly and I needed to insert an end. The next will pick up on this conversation, because it's not completely done yet. Well, maybe. Who knows?**

**Also, I hope you understood everything. I tried to make Bella's thoughts a little skippy because, you know, she's not perfectly composed. With her fragile emotional state, she surely isn't going to take Jasper's arrival too lightly, you know?**

**Lastly, I would like to remind you that the next update will be soon! And…reviews are nice. Very nice indeed! ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, the next chapter is up earlier than I thought! It's shorter than the last, but still a relatively good size. I hope you like it! I finished up their conversation with some more, much awaited answers—at least on Bella's end. And I'd like to thank you all for your reviews! They make me happy! Also, thanks to AIXA00 for pointing out the internal monologue thing! I really tried to watch out for that in this chapter! I hope I did better this time around!**

**So, here we go, another chapter up! See you at the bottom of the page! ;)**

"If we don't…?" he urged me to continue gently, but I still didn't want to think about it. If he let me think they didn't hate me for what I had done, then I would hope. I simply couldn't hope anymore, it would kill of what was left of me.

The tears continued to fall, one by one, and I tried to act more dignified than I felt. "I can't let you give me false hope, Jasper. Please don't say that. I…I need you to hate me." I was more honest with him than I had hoped to be, but I was still frazzled.

I had just discovered how the Cullens must have felt about me. It was maddening work, and here he was making me question it. But what else fit? Why else would they have left me so easily, leaving all their loose ends untied? He would be more believable if they'd at least told me goodbye. But in their minds, I wasn't worth it. It made perfect sense.

At the same time, I knew I couldn't just refuse to listen to Jasper. He had been with the Cullens all this time, and he'd been able to feel what all of them felt. He should know better than anyone. But still…

He sighed, looking just slightly exasperated. I could tell he wanted to argue the point further, but he must have decided that it wasn't worth kicking a dead horse, and moved on.

"Bella," he began hesitantly. The very tone of his voice—like he expected an outburst—made me tense and steel myself. "When we left…Edward stayed behind, for a few days." I swallowed, trying to not think about exactly what he'd said, but still understand it. "He said he needed to say goodbye. How, exactly, did he go about doing that?"

His face was merely concerned, and I struggled as the memories came back to me, full force. I tried to push them away, to dull them, but they seemed to consume me with the depression and shock I'd felt out in the woods that day. Again, I swallowed, licking my lips, allowing my eyes to fall to the floor. I wasn't sure I could look at the same golden eyes as I recounted how they broke my heart.

"He…we went for a walk. Out in the woods," I made a lame gesture with my good hand, trying to distract from my all too telling emotions. I severely doubted it worked. "He told me that…that you were leaving." I felt the sobs begin to scratch at my throat, and my nose stung as more tears pooled in my eyes. "I didn't understand, at first…until he told me that he didn't want me to come with you. That was when I realized that he just…didn't want me. He told me to take care of myself, and then he just left. He was tired of pretending to be human for me when I gave him nothing in return."

I swallowed back my sobs, and tried to wipe my tears away with my good hand, only to find that they were replaced immediately after. Whole minutes passed before I realized that Jasper had yet to answer. I looked up at him.

He was still. Completely still, not even breathing. His brows were drawn together, his lips pursed just slightly in what looked to be concentration. Minutes continued to tick by, and I started to feel awkward. Jasper had yet to move or speak, and I wasn't sure how to take that. Of all the possible reactions, this was not one I'd accounted for.

My anxiety continued to grow as he just sat there. Every once in a while his brows would twitch, or his lips would shape silent words, but I still wasn't quite sure that he was okay. I wondered fleetingly if vampires could have seizures.

It seemed that I had waited for days before he chose to speak. "He said that to you?"

It had been long enough for me to not quite remember just what he was referring to. "Said what?"

"That he didn't want you?"

"Yes," it hurt to say.

His pause was much shorter this time, and his blank eyes seemed to fill to the brim with an emotion I couldn't quite decipher, "I'm sorry he said that to you, Bella. The speech he gave us was much different."

I'd never really considered that he had told the Cullens anything. I had just assumed it was a unanimous decision that moving was for the best. I was afraid of the question, "What did he say to you?"

He took another small breath, but didn't look about to keep the answer from me. "He told us that we had to leave, and that he couldn't bring you with us. He said…" Jasper looked away from me, and I tried to catch his eye, but he didn't cooperate. His voice grew softer, laced with another emotion that, for the life of me, I couldn't understand, "He said you were afraid to come near any of us, and that you didn't want us around anymore. So we left immediately."

He paused, allowing me to take what he'd said in. But I found that I couldn't comprehend that. It simply would not compute. He continued, "He came back to us after a few days, and told us that you never wanted to see us again…that you were angry, and you both thought it was best that we never saw each other again."

This was simply impossible. Why would Edward have told them that? And why would he have needed to lie to them? Unless Jasper was right…unless they didn't hate me. But if they didn't hate me, how else could they leave so easily.

I went over Jasper's words in my head, trying to pick out an explanation. It popped out at me with perfect clarity. Edward had lied to them. But…still, there was something not right. It just seemed impossible.

"Edward…" it was painful to say, and I swallowed back the painful reaction, "he lied?"

Jasper had that same bitter look on his face again. "I'd say he did, all right."

A flutter of unnatural, though not forced, calm came over me. Briefly, I glanced up to Jasper to see if he was the cause, but I severely doubted it. The idea that Edward was less perfect than I'd thought slowed my mind tremendously, as if I was just waking up.

Jasper spoke, his brows still furrowed. "So let me get this straight. He told you that he doesn't love you, that we don't love you, et cetera?" It hurt that he seemed to be so clinical about it, but I nodded in response.

"He said he doesn't want me…and he doesn't love me. That, I know for sure," I confirmed sadly. The look on his face that day came to mind, and I knew that if there were any feelings for me, he would never be able to accomplish what he did.

"Bella," Jasper's voice was soft, his eyes gentle. "He does love you. He may not be good about showing it, and he may be stupid enough to screw it all up, but he really does."

I shook my head in response, my eyes trained on the floor. "You didn't see him, Jasper. You didn't hear him. He was so cold and detached…he may have loved me, at one point, but my birthday made him realize that whatever he felt for me wasn't enough." I hoped that he understood.

"Now, Bella, I may not have seen or heard him, but I sure felt him. Like I said, he may not know how to express it properly, but he does love you. I'm not gonna say it's the strongest, or healthiest, love I've ever seen, but it's pure."

"But how could he leave me so easily?"

"You've gotta understand, Bella, that all of this is new to Edward. Everything that he's done for you, though not completely right…or logical…was with good intent. Bella, he's like a little boy in this aspect—he was changed without experience, and vampires are hard to change emotionally. Once you opened the floodgates, his whole world spun out of control. He's been a pubescent roller-coaster," he explained slowly. I considered this.

Would Edward really leave me behind like this, for my own good? I wasn't sure how this could help me, in any way, but I had to try to understand. It was the least I could do for Jasper, who was trying to explain this to me the best he knew how.

And though Jasper made sense, he still didn't. How could you deliberately break someone's heart to help them? In what way was that beneficial?

Jasper seemed to know what I was thinking in that moment, "What he did was stupid, Bella. Only Alice and Rosalie sided with him. But I want you to understand that, no matter how idiotic, he was thinking about you and only about you. You know what you humans say? It's the thought that counts. It may not count for much, but it still does. He loves you Bella, he really does."

I continued to think it over, but I simply shook my head. I knew in the pit of my heart that Jasper meant what he said—the air about him was filled with a calm sincerity—but he was mistaken. Edward had done something in the woods so irreversible and damaging that I knew that he couldn't love me. He'd never be able to go through with it, knowing the consequences, if he did. At that point, in the woods, he didn't care enough. I doubted he cared at all.

The insecurity and angst was building up in me, and I continued to shake my head wildly, hoping to disguise my tears. A sob scratched its way through my lips and I collapsed, slumping forward further, using my good hand to hide my face. In the back of my mind, I knew I should be embarrassed, but it was just too much. I didn't have the strength to feel that on top of everything else.

The feelings ebbed away, and I clung to the calm that began to take the place of everything else. Everything in me relaxed, just slightly, and I let out a shaky breath, sniffled once, and looked up at Jasper. He was shifted closer to me, on the edge of his seat, and his eyes held a determined hardness in them. "I know you don't believe me Bella, and excuse me for saying this when you're so distraught, but it offends me that you seem to disregard my words completely."

I felt faint confusion, but the calm pushed it down, away from the forefront of my mind. "What are you talking about?" there was a barely there tremor in my voice, but it left with the last of my sniffles.

"Don't you remember, Bella? Not too long ago, in Phoenix? Everything I said then still stands. We never did what we did for you for no reason. You're very much worth it, and I wish you would stop doubting yourself. You're beautiful and smart, Bella, and you need to remember that. If Edward couldn't see that, then he's a bigger fool than I thought." His eyes were earnest, and I looked away. I remembered what he was talking about, but even then I knew I wasn't good enough for what they were doing for me.

"Bella, please, stop. You shouldn't feel like that." I just realized, at his choice of words, that the calm was gone, replaced by my insecurity once again. I took a glance up at him, but looked away again. He seemed adamant, but I knew I had to look terrible, and there was nothing beautiful about what was going on inside me. I might have given him smart, but my current heartbroken situation proved that wrong—smart girls didn't fraternize with creatures so above them.

I responded quietly, "Look at me, Jasper. I'm a mess. What would Edward want with this?" The words hurt, but they were true. I closed my eyes.

There was the faint trace of a growl in his words, and I felt slight irritation just barely licking at my emotions, "Bella. Don't be absurd. How could you say those things about yourself? People love people who love themselves, and you're not doing a very good job of that." I felt my insides tremble at his words, and my tears slipped through my eyelids.

"I think I already knew I wasn't doing too hot in the love department, Jasper," I could barely speak beyond a whisper at that point. After the conversation I'd had with him, my emotions were just too put out to flare like they had.

He paused, and his voice was softer than it had been so far. "I'm sorry I said that to you. I didn't mean it like that."

I heaved a sigh, rubbing my temple tiredly. "I know you didn't, Jasper. I'm sorry I took it wrong."

He didn't answer to that, and the silence we sat in wasn't as uncomfortable as I expected it to be, but I still felt slightly on edge. I couldn't pinpoint why, but full relaxation wasn't coming to me now—not that it had in a while.

"I would understand if you didn't…but would you mind coming by again?"

I looked up at him, but couldn't read his expression. He wanted to see me again? I couldn't imagine saying goodbye to him so quickly—especially because there were still so many questions that needed answering. I wouldn't mind coming to see him again, but I had the feeling that wasn't necessary.

"You said you watch me?"

"In a way. We don't always keep our eyes on you or anything, just scan the area and check on you, every once in a while. At least, that's how I was instructed. Like I said, this is my first day on the job." I didn't like the idea that it was a 'job' to watch me, but I nodded at his words anyway.

"Then I guess, if you want, you can come by and see me tonight. I'll have had time to think a little bit and come up with more questions. Is that okay?"

He smiled, faintly, and his eyes were distant, but warm. "That would great, Bella. Is there a time I should come?"

I sighed. "Usually I'll be going to bed around ten, but tonight I'll probably be out by eight."

I saw his eyebrow rise. "Is that early?"

I was slightly taken aback by the question, but I realized quickly that Edward had mentioned Jasper being the most distant from the human population and its activities—he probably knew little about the functions of a human life. "Yeah, kind of. But I should get going. I just showered, but it sounds like a good idea to do it again. I'd say you could be by at seven thirty. We'll just…go from there?"

"Perfect," he responded absently. He didn't move as I got up, and we didn't exchange goodbyes. I simply shut the door behind me and left with mixed feelings.

**So, huh? How am I doing so far? Good, bad, eh? I'm hoping to improve my writing skills, so if there's anything you're disliking, please let me know! I'll get my butt on that immediately, promise!**

**And, speaking of letting me know…reviews are definitely appreciated! I gush over them all day! :D**


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